pointless posting of..

WEEEEEEEE! it's that time of the year againn!
terakhir nulis disini udah kapan tau yaa? tapi biarlah. gue terlalu sibuk dengan dunia nyata hihihi bentar lagi ulang tahuuuunnn! dengan bertambahnya umur gue semoga gue makin dewasa, ga boros, makin jarang ngatain orang dan mengumpat, pinter nyari duit, makin sholeha, stop jadi tukang kentut lagi...
setiap tahun dari gue bocah emang punya birthday wishlist, disimpen dikantong sendiri, diwujudkan dikit2 hehe.
april tahun kemaren dikenang banget kayaknya, biar ulang tahun gue biasa aja tapi kayaknya tahun kemaren life changing banget (tai lebay) pokoknya gitu deh, ada hari2 terakhir sekolah, ujian akhir, jalan2 ke jogja, trus abis itu lulus sekolah, hidup sebagai manusia wirusaha deh hehehe. ok this is pointless
tapi poin sebenernya mah gue PENGEEEENNN BANGET ngumpul sama temen2 deket, pacar, keluarga waktu ulang tahun tapi tanpa harus teriak2 kalo hari ini tuh ulang tahun gue helooohh (ini ga banget soalnya -_-) ga perlu deh bawa kado. gue cuma mau share kebahagiaan gue sama kalian ko, gimana senengnya gue di hari spesial gue semuanya pada ngumpul. hiks. itu aja sebenernya mah hehehe
tapi yaudah deh daripada bekepanjangan dan lagi2 sebenernya ini post gaada point-nya.
doa gue yang selalu disebut sih semoga orang2 sekitar gue, yang baik sama gue, temen2 gue dan semuanya dikasih hari esok yang indah, penuh sama kebaikan. amin
selamat malam waktunya telfon pacar :*

I know what I'm doing

keep him safe with you, ya Allah. I may not always there and I don't always understand him or what he wants but please let him know that I love him and he means the world to me. and honestly, he's the one I wanna spend the next days, years ahead and simply the rest of my time with. he helped me so much through my hard times. I love the sincerity in his eyes, in his smile, in every words he says. and I honestly don't know how to thank him for what he did. I want him to be happy with what he has, I want him to reach what he always dream of.

I know I'm asking too much, and I know I've said that I don't wanna be anyone's anything a thousand times because things used to be sucks. I'm not saying that he's the only exception  but this whole thing feels right to me. I never know what You're up to, ya Allah. nor Your plans for my future. but I trust You in every tick on the clock that I live, You know what's best for me.

Glory be to Allah and praise be to Him. I seek protection of Allah and I beseech Him to give me His bounties generously.
Allah suffices me. there's no god but He. on Him do I rely, and He is the Lord of the Great Thorne.
O He who has not be begotten, nor has been begotten. and equal to Him is not any one. preserve me, purify me, and take away my affliction.

amin ya Allah, ya rabbal alamin.

Happiness: FOUND (doubted)

just got back from wandering around my city with my friends. it was really fun tho, because we barely see each other again after we passed the national examination.

I've been thinking a lot these days, simply about everything and especially things that bother me a lot. everybody that I care so much about seems quiet happy with their lives now. finding love, living their dreams, finding job they desire the most, going everywhere the want, doing anything they can't do before and much more. I actually am happy to see that.

maybe someday there's someone who cares enough to ask me about that.

I mean, unlike me. I'm not that happy of who or what I am now, I don't know. like, there's something's missing. I get simply everything I need, I can do whatever the hell I wanna do, even my illnesses can't stop me but still, I never found even a thing that makes me happy. I don't know what can make myself happy, everything seems so dull to me. there's always something that keeps me on the back of the line, never let me be free. and I think, I might be somebody's happiness but still, I have't found mine.








while playing: The Fray's You Found Me on repeat.

note to you #3

sebelum semuanya terlambat dan sia- sia. (<-- akhirnya, aku menulis kata- kata ini lagi)

hey there, aku menyukaimu. entah sejak kapan (dan sampai kapan). mungkin waktu itu saat kau (atau aku?) pertama kalinya bicara. yah, ini cheesy sekali, tapi kenyataan kok!
I'm curious about you. yang kulihat kau tak banyak omong dibanding teman- teman yang lain (ini sih memang aku yang tak mengenalmu baik atau apa ya?) aku cuma tahu satu, kau suka sekali badminton. such a geek :p
maaf membuatmu risih..
aku hanya tak ingin perasaanku sia- sia. I mean setelah semua ini kita mungkin tak akan bertemu lagi. kau melanjutkan study-mu ke tempat lain, yang jauh dari sini, mungkin. meneruskan perjalanan untuk meraih mimpimu. isn't that great? you're even closer to live your dream. kau harus bangga pada dirimu.

jadi sebenarnya, atas dasar itu aku (memberanikan diri setelah dibuat galau) menulis ini. hanya perlu kau tahu perasaanku. selebihnya, terserah padamu untuk mengangguk; mengerti atau terus saja baca sampai habis lalu berpura- pura tak pernah sekalipun membacanya. 
terimakasih untuk undirect motivation- mu selama ini; selama aku melihatmu from a clearly different perspective. you're awesome :)





ps: silakan membenciku setelah ini.

short crappy post

somehow, I miss taking pictures of FYF doing their band practice. I just miss it, I mean, it's the only band I ever take pictures of when they doing the practices, not because I used to date or my best friend is one of them. STATED!

Untukmu. 2

tanpa kau sadari, kehadiranmu membuatku semakin bersemangat menjalanai setiap hariku. terimakasih.

tertanda,
pengagummu yang masih saja membenci ketidakberaniannya untuk menyapamu lebih dulu

Untukmu

daripada semuanya menjadi terlambat dan sia- sia..

Aku menyukaimu, itulah adanya. mungkin lebih jauh dari ini, kedepannya aku bisa menyayangimu.
tentu saja jika kau mengizinkan.

Tertanda,
pengagummu, yang bahkan tak bernyali mengajakmu bicara.